mapi_littleowl: (Gundam Wing - Heero)
[personal profile] mapi_littleowl
They could never be whole, and Steve knew it was all his fault.

Bucky would usually laugh at that, throwing his arm around his thin shoulders and lean closer to whisper in his ear that it was all nonsense, that they were whole, that they could be happy on their own. They already were. "Who needs some whimpering Omega to crowd our place, right? We don't have 'nough space for that," he would say, a smile all too easy on his lips. "We're okay. Just because people think there should be three of us to be complete, doesn't mean that's true."

Steve would force himself to nod then, hugging Bucky's waist possessively whit his skinny arm, even trying a smile now and then. "We would move to a bigger place, you know, if we ever find an Omega for us."

"Not my point. We don't need that. We are we and we're enough. I only need you." Bucky's voice was velvet on his battered soul, and sometimes Steve pretended he believed him, even though he was all too aware of the lie within. He knew how he felt - how Bucky felt - whenever some pretty Omega would smile invitingly at him, only to retreat fast as soon as they found out who Bucky's Alpha was.

No Omega would ever want someone like Steve for an Alpha, that was it. Alphas were supposed to be strong and steady, were supposed to be able to protect the pack. They were supposed to be more like Bucky, not like Steve, who would jump head-first into trouble only to be saved by his Beta.

And there Bucky was, tall and proud, cracking jokes as it were nothing while dressed in his uniform – Steve froze then, staring as he couldn't believe what was right under his eyes. Bucky had gotten his orders. He was to be shipped out for England with the 107th. Steve sighed, head low. He should be going. He should be going. He was supposed to be the Alpha, he was supposed to go fight a war alongside his Beta while their Omega would be waiting for them at home.

But he wasn't. He had tried four times now, and they wouldn't have him. They wouldn't give him the chance to prove his worth, and he was to stay at home, fighting with his urges and his worry of having his Beta, the only one in the world who would have him, and love him, and accept him for who he is, away to war, to a war he should be fighting, too.

"Where are we going?" Steve asked, while Bucky dragged him out of the alley, getting rid of his newest failed attempt to enlist and placing a paper in his hands.

"The future."

Apparently the future, according to Bucky, was being pushed around in a big crowd while a young, charming Alpha bragged about being able, in some few years, to create a technology that would allow cars to fly, while the pretty Omegas Bucky had picked out for them were too busy ignoring Steve's attempt to just talk to them.

But that wasn't what made Steve upset. Not entirely. Bucky was smoothing the Omegas with his charm, just the way any Beta would, and that would have been hot if Steve were paying attention as every Alpha would. His attention had just been dragged away from there.

He stared the I Want You poster and felt his gut clench abruptly, a familiar ache in his chest. He had to try. He just had to. He stared at Bucky, the line of his back, his shoulder enveloped by his uniform and scorned with longing and sadness, and maybe a little bit of envy.

He didn't say a word while slipping away unnoticed, and he really had wished Bucky wouldn't catch up on him. They almost had a fight, of course, because Bucky wouldn't understand what he wanted, what he needed, and deep inside he knew why Bucky was so upset. He was going to leave first thing in the morning, and he wanted to be with Steve, wanted them to spend those last hours of freedom together.

Steve got that. But he also knew, deep inside, that he had to do this first. He had to try. He had to make them accept his enlist form, he had to be taken in, to be brought to England were Bucky would be in a few days, to fight alongside him.

He didn't want to be home, and be safe and do the Omegas and the kids' chores. He wanted to fight for what he believed was right, he was no guy to just stand down and be patiently quite. He wasn't.

So he said goodbye to Bucky and watched him wander off with the two Omega girls. He bit down the ache and the jealousy and run inside. If he were to do this, he might just get it over and done with it as quickly as possible.

Everything had happened so fast in the last months that Steve could not really believe Bucky was there, in his arms, pressed against his chest.

His kisses were slow and deep, wet, burning. Bucky hung from his neck, balancing on his toes – Bucky, who had always been taller than him, now was tensing to reach his mouth. Steve's hands wandered down and he cupped Bucky's rear with his palm, making him squirm.

"You gained some guts together with those ridiculous muscles haven't you."

Steve laughed against his lips. "Always had the guts," he replied, pushing Bucky backward until they both stumbled over the camp-bend that creaked under their weight. "What I lacked was stature."

"Bullshit," Bucky said, arching his back so that his groin would meet Steve's. They kissed then, shutting the conversation off. It was good in there, being able to have Bucky under him, to have him shiver in his arms. Steve felt warm, and solid and sure, he felt he could do anything he wanted.

They weren't bullshit. Maybe Bucky couldn't understand that, but everything was different now.

Now, everything could be perfect in ways it was never going to be if he would have stayed the same, the skinny, weak, sorry excuse of an Alpha that he was before the serum. It was true that he had just lacked stature – not to Bucky's eyes, maybe, but to everybody else's he had. He was unattractive and sick, completely unable to take care of an Omega in heat, to give his Beta what he needed on a daily basis.

Now he could. Now they could be whole.

"Now we can be whole," Steve said, words slipping from his tongue before he could even realize that. Bucky's head snapped up and he barely parted his lips, stilling.

Steve smiled down at him, because what else could he do. He had been making those kind of thoughts all the time since he had found Bucky in that Hydra facility, barely okay; had been thinking about them before and now, all the time they both had needed something else, something more in their lives, that third person who would have made it all perfect. Made it all complete.

"We were okay, Steve" Bucky said, a serious expression on his face.

"We can do better now. Do more than okay."

"You don't have anything to prove."

Steve stilled, planted on his arms. Bucky had said those exact words many months ago, when Steve had wanted to try and enlist for the fifth time, that last time. He shook his head. That wasn't the point. This time that wasn't definitely the point.

"I know you needed it, Bucky."


"You set up dates with Omegas for us, Bucky. I know – look, I just know. Always had. You weren't exactly subtle about it, were you." Bucky licked his lips almost awkwardly and Steve smiled. "I need that, too, Buc. An Omega for us, someone I can take care of, someone who will depend on you to balance his or her instincts. We need that. We can have that."

Bucky eventually grinned and hugged Steve tighter, licking on his lips. "Sounds good," he said and nodded. "Sounds really good. So let's hurry up and end this war, shall we."

Steve offered a short laugh and kissed him hard, drowning in him with all of himself. It did sound good. I sounded like a dream coming true.

And as always happened, the dream was shattered, destroyed. Lost. Everything was, now. Steve had felt pain and rage, resolution and desolation at the same time. Bucky was gone. The only person in the world he had ever truly loved, the only one who had loved him back when he was a nothing, who had never wanted him to be anything different than the kid from Brooklyn who would never back off from a fight.

Steve heard Peggy's voice through the comm. and he answered her, arranged with her for a date he knew he wouldn't show up to. He wasn't going to survive this, he knew that.

He watched into the distance, the sky white before him, and it reminded him of snowy mountains, of a voice calling his name, a hand stretched out towards him that he couldn't reach. He couldn't tell when the earth took the place of the sky. Peggy's voice came muffled and he didn't find it in himself to answer back.

He heard the crash as a distant sound, as if it wasn't happening to him, as if he weren't there. He saw the white soil, felt the cold crippling up on him as he sank, and sank and sank, and before he closed his eyes he could swear he had seen Bucky, smiling Bucky, whispering sweet nothings in his ears.

And then it all went black.
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